I had a dream last night. I was eating a giant marsh mellow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
I stopped a kidnapping yesterday. I’m no hero by any stretch and I’m certainly not trying to brag. I’m pretty sure y’all would’ve done the same thing. He was about 10 years old, fast asleep on a park bench. I went right over there and woke him up.
That will make you cheeks pucker!
Did you hear those two women whispering in Church?
I’d tell you what they said, but it’s nun of your business…
Have you heard about Norway starting to put bar codes on the sides of their ships? It’s actually pretty convenient. When they come back to port, they just scan da navy in.
Mr. Frogg wanted marry the toad of his dreams and knew he needed an engagement ring. Alas, he was broke. Then, he remembered his gold heirloom, inherited from his mother. So off he hopped to the bank to secure a loan.
At the bank he was shown into Ms. Whack’s office and proceeded to tell of his need for a loan. Of course, Ms. Whack inquired of his collateral.
“Well, Ms. Whack, all I have is this little gold thing.”
“I’m sorry Mr. Frogg, that is hardly the type of collateral we would require for such an amount. But I will check with the bank manager to be sure.”
After explain everything to the manager, he looked at Ms. Whack and said, “That’s a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan.”
I wondered why the football was getting bigger…
and then it hit me…
A man gets pulled over for speeding on a highway the officer approaches the wi now of his car so he winds it down.
The officer says to the man I am just about to finish my shift if you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before I will give you a caution.
The man said to the officer well I seen you in my rear view mirror and my ex wife had run off with a coppa 10 years ago and I thought you were trying to bring her back.
The officer laughed got back in his car and drove away
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
About a buccaneer…
Did you hear about the dwarf psychic that escaped from jail?
He’s a small medium at large!!
There was a watchmaker that decided to make a belt out some spare parts around his shop. In the end, he changed his mind though, it was just a waist of time.
This. And the (Keep It Clean) in the title eliminates me from participation.
What time do people usually go to the dentist?
Not all math jokes are funny, but sum are.
Dd you hear about the hikers that walked up on a Grizzly in Alaska? They bearly escaped.